Motherhood

An old friend of mine recently uploaded a facebook post with her "Crackberry", worrying that her son will get pinned too quickly in his wrestling match to be competitive.

It is an understandable concern. Parents of athletic and competitive kids work hard to encourage them and also to preserve their self esteem.

As much as I can understand these concerns, I can't help but sometimes compare them to my own as a parent. Mine are much more basic, though.

Will my daughter do well enough in the general education classroom to continue that placement and improve upon it? Will she get through the day without a meltdown? Will I be able to provide my younger precocious daughter with enough challenge and stimulation without feeling a bit sad?
How much normal will my day include?

For me, it is not whether or not each day will contain some reminder of our special needs parenting situation, but which reminder today will bring. Some days contain the promise of a bright future and a normal life, while others are like a cold painful shock of reality - tenfold and bringing new concerns to the forefront.

I don't worry about whether my child can compete in a sports tournament without losing to a better opponent. I'd be thrilled if she could sit through a tournament. Instead of worrying whether she will win or lose a sports activity, I worry if the non-competitive track program will have enough supervision to keep my child engaged at all.

I am truly grateful for all of the progress and the hopes for a bright future. But days like this, with these reminders of all the normal that I am missing out on today specifically, cut me raw.

But it is what it is.

So I am going to now go put my big girl panties back on and call it a day, reminding myself of all of the blessings in my life.